Sunset Diaries

Living in my Paranoia

A friend told me he wondered what it would be like living in my paranoia. Nowadays, I’ve been looking behind my back more often (literally and figuratively), afraid of whatever bad thing that can happen. In this day and age, the unfortunate possibilities are endless. There’s always something to be scared about. My mom told me I can’t live in fear. But my dad also told me that fear motivates us to be careful and vigilant. As with all things, there has to be some kind of balance. I think I’m straddling the line between pathological and normal, paranoia and cautiousness. Balancing balancing. Checking. Double Checking. Stopping. Looking. Listening. Being careful. Being vigilant. Being safe.

Trying to move forward instead of regretting the past.

Today, I think I caught a hint of your smell. And I smiled with happiness. It felt nice to know that I still remember little things like that. And pretty soon, I’ll finally be able to get a whiff of the real thing.

Something I’m still learning

We have to believe in a person’s natural goodness. But in the same way, we should also be wary of every person’s imperfection. It’s tricky to expect too much. When you put someone in such a high pedestal, you give them a bigger chance of letting you down. The challenge is to be happy despite everything else thats imperfect.

The Never Forgotten Good Old Days

Today, I had one of those good days.
And it consists of fairly simple things: the boy I love, a nice place away from the rest of the world (or at least, seemingly so), copious amounts of food of the fried and unhealthy variety (a.k.a. pizza, fried chicken and junk food), a television, a dvd player, a nice movie and some wonderfully corny local telenovelas (i.e. Rubi and Magkaribal) to cap it all off.
I’ve always called my jetsetter friends “those lucky people” because not everyone (in this 3rd world country, at least) gets to go to all those amazing places, meet interesting foreign people and see all the wonderful things and picturesque sights they have. Sometimes, I forget that I’m also quite lucky myself. Some people go through their entire lives wandering the world, in pursuit of meaning and happiness, while I have found them abundantly in a nice and simple, even somewhat domesticated (minus the chores) but endlessly good day. All without having to travel much too far.

- Blog Excerpt (July 27, 2010)

There was a time when I cried myself to sleep terribly missing those good old days. But after months apart, I’ve gotten used to his absence. But even though the body sometimes forgets, the mind always remembers. And with two months left ‘til the glorious “together again” arrives, there is nothing but excitement for four months worth of rediscovering those good old days with the boy I love.

Privacy Settings

I struggle at figuring out how much I should reveal to the world and how much I should keep to myself. Even as I work on these privacy settings, I find myself posting thoughts and bits of myself for the perusal of all. I try to hide, yet I long to share and be seen and heard. 

In short, I hate internet scams.